Monday, November 21, 2005
How to Help Kids Rug & Tack-up Effectively (According to the Ponies!)
LITTLE BLACK ONE: Be patient with them when they spend ages fiddling with rug straps or bridles. Their hands are small & they like to make sure everything is done up properly.
FAT ORANGE ONE: Yeah, yeah, know that, got that! What's next then?
LITTLE BLACK ONE: I haven't finished yet!
FAT ORANGE ONE: Finished what?
LITTLE BLACK ONE: As I say, try & keep as still as you can, they will get there eventually!
COB BLOB: Get where? Are we going in the trailer?
LITTLE BLACK ONE: No!
FAT ORANGE ONE: Ha, ha, you thought we were going in the trailer! You're stupid!
COB BLOB: I'm not......
LITTLE BLACK ONE: Be quiet!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: And put your head down when they go to put your headcollar or bridle on.
COB BLOB: What for?
FAT ORANGE ONE: So they can reach more easily, stupid!
(mutters): Or in your case, so you can continue EATING, greedy guts!
COB BLOB: I'm not......
LITTLE BLACK ONE: WILL you BE quiet!
COB BLOB: How long do I have to keep my head down for then?
FAT ORANGE ONE: Oh, you utter......
LITTLE BLACK ONE: (quickly): Just until they have it slipped over your head!
COB BLOB: Oh! Oh, right!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: And girths, girths are very important!
COB BLOB: (proudly): They stop my saddle slipping!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: That's right CB, they do, so it's very important they get done up properly!
FAT ORANGE ONE: I can puff myself out REALLY far AND I can hold my breath for AGES!
COB BLOB: Cor! Howd'ya do that then?
LITTLE BLACK ONE: You don't need to know that! What you DO need to know is how to encourage them to do the girth up properly!
COB BLOB: Cor! Howd'ya do that then?
LBO: Well, you stand still, you breathe NORMALLY & if they do it up a little TOO quickly......
COB BLOB: You break the baling twine & walk off?
LITTLE BLACK ONE: No! For goodness sake, will you just listen! If they do it up a little TOO quickly, it is perfectly acceptable to MOMENTARILY lay your ears back & wince slightly. Just to remind them to be more careful next time but you don't want to frighten them though!
COB BLOB: I don't have to kick them or anything? 'Cos I don't really want to do that!
FAT ORANGE ONE: Good grief! Of course you don't kick them, you bloomin' moron! Where have you BEEN for the last 10 years? This is all aimed at you, you know, I KNOW all this stuff already!
COB BLOB: Sorry, sorry! I AM paying attention, honest!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: Any questions? Anything anyone would like to add?
FAT ORANGE ONE: Well, there is one thing! If they're REALLY slow, it's ok to fling your head around a bit or headbutt them in the chest!
LBO: WHAAAT???
COB BLOB: Yer what?
FAT ORANGE ONE: And it's really funny sometimes, when their hands are REALLY cold, to wait until they've almost got that fiddly little throat......
LITTLE BLACK ONE: That's ENOUGH! That's DISGRACEFUL! I am APPALLED!
FAT ORANGE ONE: Well, I don't do it ALL the time!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: You shouldn't do it at all!
COB BLOB: (proudly): I can take my bridle off!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: I'm sorry?
FAT ORANGE ONE: He said he could......
LITTLE BLACK ONE: I heard what he said! I just don't......
COB BLOB: (excitedly): Yeah, she turned her back & I just sort of wriggled it about a bit on the fence post & it kinda just fell off!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: And you think that is useful because...?
COB BLOB: Sorry, I thought we were just swapping stories!
FAT ORANGE ONE: You really don't know ANYTHING do you? Bridles are REALLY expensive, if you break one, they won't have any money left over for food & then you'll STARVE! And serve you right!
COB BLOB: What, no food at all?
FAT ORANGE ONE: Nope. None.
LITTLE BLACK ONE: That's enough you. C'mon CB, lesson over for today. Just try & remember SOME of the things I've told you, eh?
Ponies wander off & begin grazing. Five minutes later...
COB BLOB: Err, how long do I have to keep my head down for again???
FAT ORANGE ONE: Yeah, yeah, know that, got that! What's next then?
LITTLE BLACK ONE: I haven't finished yet!
FAT ORANGE ONE: Finished what?
LITTLE BLACK ONE: As I say, try & keep as still as you can, they will get there eventually!
COB BLOB: Get where? Are we going in the trailer?
LITTLE BLACK ONE: No!
FAT ORANGE ONE: Ha, ha, you thought we were going in the trailer! You're stupid!
COB BLOB: I'm not......
LITTLE BLACK ONE: Be quiet!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: And put your head down when they go to put your headcollar or bridle on.
COB BLOB: What for?
FAT ORANGE ONE: So they can reach more easily, stupid!
(mutters): Or in your case, so you can continue EATING, greedy guts!
COB BLOB: I'm not......
LITTLE BLACK ONE: WILL you BE quiet!
COB BLOB: How long do I have to keep my head down for then?
FAT ORANGE ONE: Oh, you utter......
LITTLE BLACK ONE: (quickly): Just until they have it slipped over your head!
COB BLOB: Oh! Oh, right!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: And girths, girths are very important!
COB BLOB: (proudly): They stop my saddle slipping!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: That's right CB, they do, so it's very important they get done up properly!
FAT ORANGE ONE: I can puff myself out REALLY far AND I can hold my breath for AGES!
COB BLOB: Cor! Howd'ya do that then?
LITTLE BLACK ONE: You don't need to know that! What you DO need to know is how to encourage them to do the girth up properly!
COB BLOB: Cor! Howd'ya do that then?
LBO: Well, you stand still, you breathe NORMALLY & if they do it up a little TOO quickly......
COB BLOB: You break the baling twine & walk off?
LITTLE BLACK ONE: No! For goodness sake, will you just listen! If they do it up a little TOO quickly, it is perfectly acceptable to MOMENTARILY lay your ears back & wince slightly. Just to remind them to be more careful next time but you don't want to frighten them though!
COB BLOB: I don't have to kick them or anything? 'Cos I don't really want to do that!
FAT ORANGE ONE: Good grief! Of course you don't kick them, you bloomin' moron! Where have you BEEN for the last 10 years? This is all aimed at you, you know, I KNOW all this stuff already!
COB BLOB: Sorry, sorry! I AM paying attention, honest!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: Any questions? Anything anyone would like to add?
FAT ORANGE ONE: Well, there is one thing! If they're REALLY slow, it's ok to fling your head around a bit or headbutt them in the chest!
LBO: WHAAAT???
COB BLOB: Yer what?
FAT ORANGE ONE: And it's really funny sometimes, when their hands are REALLY cold, to wait until they've almost got that fiddly little throat......
LITTLE BLACK ONE: That's ENOUGH! That's DISGRACEFUL! I am APPALLED!
FAT ORANGE ONE: Well, I don't do it ALL the time!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: You shouldn't do it at all!
COB BLOB: (proudly): I can take my bridle off!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: I'm sorry?
FAT ORANGE ONE: He said he could......
LITTLE BLACK ONE: I heard what he said! I just don't......
COB BLOB: (excitedly): Yeah, she turned her back & I just sort of wriggled it about a bit on the fence post & it kinda just fell off!
LITTLE BLACK ONE: And you think that is useful because...?
COB BLOB: Sorry, I thought we were just swapping stories!
FAT ORANGE ONE: You really don't know ANYTHING do you? Bridles are REALLY expensive, if you break one, they won't have any money left over for food & then you'll STARVE! And serve you right!
COB BLOB: What, no food at all?
FAT ORANGE ONE: Nope. None.
LITTLE BLACK ONE: That's enough you. C'mon CB, lesson over for today. Just try & remember SOME of the things I've told you, eh?
Ponies wander off & begin grazing. Five minutes later...
COB BLOB: Err, how long do I have to keep my head down for again???
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Rake's Progress (or Small White Useless One is improving! A bit!)
Small White Useless One can now do quite a number of remarkably useful & clever things! (OK, mostly neither useful OR clever but progress is progress!) She can now:
1. Pick all her feet up, in the correct order as you move from one foot to the other, without wobbling violently, threatening to fall over or making you feel you are shortly about to be experiencing what a severe concussion REALLY feels like!
2. Walk & trot placidly round the school attached via a leadrope to littlest daughter! Should point out pony COULD actually walk & trot in-hand quite well before we had her, as she had done a few local showing classes but generally NOT whilst wearing various items of littlest daughter's discarded clothing, which she sees no reason to carry around herself when there is a perfectly good pony available to do so! Fleeces, gloves etc are all piled onto or somehow attached to pony & they continue trundling happily on their way!
Today, they were 'wombling' in the school, looking for bits of rubbish or small items or toys discarded by some of the younger kids & to all intents & purposes, SWUO was joining in, as they stopped every so often to inspect something, collect it & remove it! She looked happy & relaxed as they wombled up & down the school & for them, nobody else existed! I could hear littlest daughter deep in conversation with her & when I called out to ask if everything was ok, they stopped & looked up at me in unison, as if to say "Oh, yes, sorry, did you want something?"!
3. She will also now allow her face & ears to be touched & again, this is more than partly due to littlest daughter, who feels the need to check her ears 'to see if she's warm enough' every 30 seconds! She also now understands the importance (& pleasure!) of kisses on the nose, bear hugs & the need to pay attention when littlest daughter is telling her a story!
This may not sound like much but this same pony, just a few short weeks ago, was incredibly headshy, to the point of pulling back & threatening to rear if you went anywhere NEAR her face, particularly on her blind side & was incredibly jumpy & twitchy if you moved suddenly or startled her in any way!
We are really proud of her & still hope that one day, she may even be able to be ridden again!
Fingers crossed. you never know!
1. Pick all her feet up, in the correct order as you move from one foot to the other, without wobbling violently, threatening to fall over or making you feel you are shortly about to be experiencing what a severe concussion REALLY feels like!
2. Walk & trot placidly round the school attached via a leadrope to littlest daughter! Should point out pony COULD actually walk & trot in-hand quite well before we had her, as she had done a few local showing classes but generally NOT whilst wearing various items of littlest daughter's discarded clothing, which she sees no reason to carry around herself when there is a perfectly good pony available to do so! Fleeces, gloves etc are all piled onto or somehow attached to pony & they continue trundling happily on their way!
Today, they were 'wombling' in the school, looking for bits of rubbish or small items or toys discarded by some of the younger kids & to all intents & purposes, SWUO was joining in, as they stopped every so often to inspect something, collect it & remove it! She looked happy & relaxed as they wombled up & down the school & for them, nobody else existed! I could hear littlest daughter deep in conversation with her & when I called out to ask if everything was ok, they stopped & looked up at me in unison, as if to say "Oh, yes, sorry, did you want something?"!
3. She will also now allow her face & ears to be touched & again, this is more than partly due to littlest daughter, who feels the need to check her ears 'to see if she's warm enough' every 30 seconds! She also now understands the importance (& pleasure!) of kisses on the nose, bear hugs & the need to pay attention when littlest daughter is telling her a story!
This may not sound like much but this same pony, just a few short weeks ago, was incredibly headshy, to the point of pulling back & threatening to rear if you went anywhere NEAR her face, particularly on her blind side & was incredibly jumpy & twitchy if you moved suddenly or startled her in any way!
We are really proud of her & still hope that one day, she may even be able to be ridden again!
Fingers crossed. you never know!
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Why You Should NEVER Volunteer to Catch Kids' Ponies!
Middle daughter has been to dentist & is feeling somewhat sorry for herself! Lies on sofa looking feeble & despite KNOWING this is NOT one of my better ideas, hear my own voice stupidly asking "Would you like me to get your pony in for you?"! Response is an even feebler nod of the head as she sinks back into the cushions like some ailing Victorian heroine!
Now it should be made clear that whilst being (mostly!) extremely amenable towards his tiny 6 stone owner, Cob Blob can be fairly vile & obnoxious towards everyone else! Not nasty, just a big, disrespectful oik, with the strength of an ox on steroids & the bloody-mindedness to match! He also came with an amusing reputation for dragging unfortunate victims in whatever direction happened to catch his interest at the time! (For 'interest' read 'anything remotely edible in line of sight!')
Turn into yard driveway & as we are an hour later than usual, am not surprised to see CB waiting at the gate & he whinnies loudly as we pass! "Ahh, sweet" chorus littlest & eldest daughter in unison! "Ohh, cr*p" thinks mother, silently & with a sinking heart!
Fetch leadropes & trundle down to field. Little Black One is coming in FIRST & NOBODY is going to stop him! Catch him & Fat Orange One, CB is now lurking round corner, avoiding LBO's flailing hooves & teeth, as having turned up late, LBO is convinced he is on the verge of both starving AND freezing to death & despite being only small, is ferociously threatening any pony stupid enough to be considering 'pushing in'!
Put on CB's headcollar (stands like a rock!), open gate with sinking heart & 'whoooosh', CB rockets through at warp speed 9, leaving me with no option but to simply hang on & follow! After travelling approx. 30 feet, (during which I believe my feet MAY actually have touched the ground ONCE, or possibly even TWICE!), he stops abruptly & begins quietly cropping the grass!
I now have a major problem in that gate is now 30 feet away & it is still OPEN! Turn pony back towards gate just as car goes past, at which (presumably driven mad by his hunger pangs!), he spooks violently, careering another 20 feet or so up drive, ripping leadrope through my hand & giving me a seriously impressive rope burn!
Pony now metamorphoses into block of solid concrete & is refusing to budge from where he is superglued to the grass! Swear repeatedly in most unladylike & unloving fashion at pony & with voice rising to a shriek, instruct eldest daughter to come & help, as in NOW!
Despite being a supposedly intelligent woman, cannot resist stretching out arm towards gate, though is obvious to anybody with more than half a brain cell that only Inspector Gadget would have a hope in hell of reaching it from that distance away!
FINALLY get repulsive little twat onto yard & into box, where he stands glaring at me, clearly not impressed that precious middle daughter has not turned up to see to him! Am seriously tempted to 'see to him' myself as painfully hot, rope burned hand is now throbbing merrily & am so out of breath, am unable to emit any more swear words, threats or suggestions of what I would like to actually DO to pony at this particular moment in time!
Arrive home to where middle daughter is still lying pathetically on sofa! Little innocent face looks up at me & asks in small, suffering, wobbly voice "Is CB OK? Was he good?" Nod head frantically, make strangled gurgling noise, compose myself & airily reply "Oh, he was fine...yes...absolutely fine!"
Now it should be made clear that whilst being (mostly!) extremely amenable towards his tiny 6 stone owner, Cob Blob can be fairly vile & obnoxious towards everyone else! Not nasty, just a big, disrespectful oik, with the strength of an ox on steroids & the bloody-mindedness to match! He also came with an amusing reputation for dragging unfortunate victims in whatever direction happened to catch his interest at the time! (For 'interest' read 'anything remotely edible in line of sight!')
Turn into yard driveway & as we are an hour later than usual, am not surprised to see CB waiting at the gate & he whinnies loudly as we pass! "Ahh, sweet" chorus littlest & eldest daughter in unison! "Ohh, cr*p" thinks mother, silently & with a sinking heart!
Fetch leadropes & trundle down to field. Little Black One is coming in FIRST & NOBODY is going to stop him! Catch him & Fat Orange One, CB is now lurking round corner, avoiding LBO's flailing hooves & teeth, as having turned up late, LBO is convinced he is on the verge of both starving AND freezing to death & despite being only small, is ferociously threatening any pony stupid enough to be considering 'pushing in'!
Put on CB's headcollar (stands like a rock!), open gate with sinking heart & 'whoooosh', CB rockets through at warp speed 9, leaving me with no option but to simply hang on & follow! After travelling approx. 30 feet, (during which I believe my feet MAY actually have touched the ground ONCE, or possibly even TWICE!), he stops abruptly & begins quietly cropping the grass!
I now have a major problem in that gate is now 30 feet away & it is still OPEN! Turn pony back towards gate just as car goes past, at which (presumably driven mad by his hunger pangs!), he spooks violently, careering another 20 feet or so up drive, ripping leadrope through my hand & giving me a seriously impressive rope burn!
Pony now metamorphoses into block of solid concrete & is refusing to budge from where he is superglued to the grass! Swear repeatedly in most unladylike & unloving fashion at pony & with voice rising to a shriek, instruct eldest daughter to come & help, as in NOW!
Despite being a supposedly intelligent woman, cannot resist stretching out arm towards gate, though is obvious to anybody with more than half a brain cell that only Inspector Gadget would have a hope in hell of reaching it from that distance away!
FINALLY get repulsive little twat onto yard & into box, where he stands glaring at me, clearly not impressed that precious middle daughter has not turned up to see to him! Am seriously tempted to 'see to him' myself as painfully hot, rope burned hand is now throbbing merrily & am so out of breath, am unable to emit any more swear words, threats or suggestions of what I would like to actually DO to pony at this particular moment in time!
Arrive home to where middle daughter is still lying pathetically on sofa! Little innocent face looks up at me & asks in small, suffering, wobbly voice "Is CB OK? Was he good?" Nod head frantically, make strangled gurgling noise, compose myself & airily reply "Oh, he was fine...yes...absolutely fine!"
Fat Orange One piccie Summer 2005
For god's sake mother, will you STOP fiddling! We're already PERFECT!
Cob Blob showjumping Summer 2005
Cob Blob looking cute, fluffy & uncommonly innocent & appealing!
Yeah sure, believe THAT & you'll believe ANYTHING!
This was his first outing, with us anyway, hence the teeny-tiny jumps!
Yeah sure, believe THAT & you'll believe ANYTHING!
This was his first outing, with us anyway, hence the teeny-tiny jumps!
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Little Black One's Thought for the Day - 'Just Because I'm Old.'...!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean I don't appreciate new things! I DO!
I LOVE my new headcollar & leadrope (blue being my favourite colour as you know!) & my lovely new rugs are warm, snug & cosy!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean I don't enjoy eating anymore! I DO!
Thank you though for soaking my hay, dampening my feed with hot water on these cold winter nights & feeding me things I can chew & digest easily!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean I'm not 'special' anymore! I AM!
I like it when you come to me first in the mornings to say hello & I like it when I am the first one to get his goodnight treat at bedtime!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean I don't want to join in anymore! I DO!
I can no longer jump & do the exciting stuff but I love a good canter or a gentle hack now & again & I really enjoy helping teach the tinies to ride!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean I don't know stuff! I DO!
I have probably won more rosettes in my time than most of the others on the yard put together & i still remember how to balance & carry myself to give the tinies a smooth, safe ride! Never had one yet get bounced off ME!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean I'm stupid! I'm NOT!
My knees may be dodgy but my brain works fine! I still enjoy pulling 'naughties' & amusing you with my antics but having spent so long around people, I also know when to be quiet, when to be still & how to comfort you when you need me to!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean I'm a nuisance! I'm NOT!
I KNOW you do it more than happily but that extra time you spend with me, cleaning my teeth every morning so food doesn't get stuck in the gaps, the daily applying of cream so I don't get a sore rear end, the extra care taken in drying me off when i'm wet...I've EARNED those extra minutes!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean you don't owe me! You DO!
You owe me BIG TIME & I can feel safe & happy because I KNOW you know it too!
...doesn't mean I don't appreciate new things! I DO!
I LOVE my new headcollar & leadrope (blue being my favourite colour as you know!) & my lovely new rugs are warm, snug & cosy!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean I don't enjoy eating anymore! I DO!
Thank you though for soaking my hay, dampening my feed with hot water on these cold winter nights & feeding me things I can chew & digest easily!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean I'm not 'special' anymore! I AM!
I like it when you come to me first in the mornings to say hello & I like it when I am the first one to get his goodnight treat at bedtime!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean I don't want to join in anymore! I DO!
I can no longer jump & do the exciting stuff but I love a good canter or a gentle hack now & again & I really enjoy helping teach the tinies to ride!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean I don't know stuff! I DO!
I have probably won more rosettes in my time than most of the others on the yard put together & i still remember how to balance & carry myself to give the tinies a smooth, safe ride! Never had one yet get bounced off ME!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean I'm stupid! I'm NOT!
My knees may be dodgy but my brain works fine! I still enjoy pulling 'naughties' & amusing you with my antics but having spent so long around people, I also know when to be quiet, when to be still & how to comfort you when you need me to!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean I'm a nuisance! I'm NOT!
I KNOW you do it more than happily but that extra time you spend with me, cleaning my teeth every morning so food doesn't get stuck in the gaps, the daily applying of cream so I don't get a sore rear end, the extra care taken in drying me off when i'm wet...I've EARNED those extra minutes!
Just because I'm old...
...doesn't mean you don't owe me! You DO!
You owe me BIG TIME & I can feel safe & happy because I KNOW you know it too!
Little Black One headshot piccie
The lovely LBO, relaxing at home, spring 2005.
And wearing a poofty, pink headcollar apparently! Oops!
Although he now belongs officially, to littlest daughter, this is the framed photo of him that middle daughter keeps on the window ledge, next to her bed!
And wearing a poofty, pink headcollar apparently! Oops!
Although he now belongs officially, to littlest daughter, this is the framed photo of him that middle daughter keeps on the window ledge, next to her bed!
Showjumping piccie Summer 2005
Fat Orange One & middle daughter looking determined!
This was one of middle daughter's first attempts at showjumping, so I don't think she looks too bad considering!
This was one of middle daughter's first attempts at showjumping, so I don't think she looks too bad considering!
Showjumping warm-up piccie Summer 2005
Fat Orange One & middle daughter gathering their thoughts prior to going in the ring!
Showjumping line-up piccie August 2005
Yeah well, I MAY only be 2nd & my boots may WELL be too short for my long legs but at least I'M not wearing black jodphurs...how frightful!
And for goodness sake, SIT UP child!
And for goodness sake, SIT UP child!
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Cob Blob's Tip for the Day - How to get out of Showjumping!
Cob Blob thinks showjumping is BORING! The ring is too small, the jumps are too close together, you can't get any real speed up & it's all over in less than a minute! Where's the fun in THAT?
Thundering across country is MUCH more appealing, so when owner suggests a bit of local showjumping might be 'fun', try the following:
1. Lull owner into false sense of security by behaving beautifully in trailer on way there, standing stock still whilst being tacked up & stoically ignoring EVERYTHING around you in warm-up area etc.
This serves to remind owner that you are GENERALLY a most pleasant, co-operative & nice-to-have-around little chap, which will stand you in VERY good stead later on!
2. Do ONE round of jumping without protest but neither TOO quickly NOR particularly skillfully! Ensure (despite trying your best, yeah right!) that you have at LEAST one fence down, to guarantee exclusion from any jump-off round!
This will already be sowing the seed of doubt in owner's mind that showjumping may not ACTUALLY be YOUR thing after all! Sight of owner chewing on fingerbails & muttering comments such as "well he did his best but..." or "you don't think they were a LITTLE too big for him...?" should be viewed as most encouraging!
3. Continue on this path for the next few shows but DON'T overdo it at this crucial stage in the proceedings! You don't want to be seen as blatantly disobedient or awkward, more mildy incompetent!
Stick to the odd refusal ('couldn't POSSIBLY have got round a turn like THAT'!), the odd completely demolished jump ('couldn't possibly have got round a turn like THAT but i DID try'!) & so on!
Overdoing it now will simply result in extended training sessions at home to 'correct' your wayward attitude & this is most certainly NOT what we are hoping to achieve!
4. Progress to dumping rider in jumps! They never enjoy this particularly & usually find it quite off-putting!
Try not to hurt them though & NEVER make a run for it afterwards! This again, will be viewed as 'wayward behaviour' & it'll be back to the schooling sessions!
As soon as they hit the deck, it is FAR better to stay in close proximity to them, drop your head, slump sadly & assume a forlorn expression! This at least shows you are 'loyal', 'caring' & 'sorry'!
5. You are now ready to progress to the next level!
This is now outright psychological warfare & pretty much anything goes! Keep up the good behaviour at home & prior to entering ring but once in there, don't hold back!
We have now reached the 'bend in the river' as it were & a succession of 3 refusals at the first jump will quite possibly now be enough to tip the balance in your favour!
You are almost there, so now that you have reached the 'viewed as liable to trip over the pattern on the carpet' stage, don't give up!
6. A word of caution however! This approach should ONLY be attempted if you have 'another string to your bow' so to speak! As in "Well, he's hopeless at showjumping but LOVES x-country, so what about hunter trials?" Bingo, you're a winner!
If however, you are NOT fond of x-country, dressage, driving, or anything else, be careful or you could find yourself on the internet for all the wrong reasons!
Bear in mind, they MAY decide to give it 'one last go' after a few months break, so be prepared for this & make it clear from the start that the whole showjumping idea is still a major no-no!
Happy Hunter Trialling!
Thundering across country is MUCH more appealing, so when owner suggests a bit of local showjumping might be 'fun', try the following:
1. Lull owner into false sense of security by behaving beautifully in trailer on way there, standing stock still whilst being tacked up & stoically ignoring EVERYTHING around you in warm-up area etc.
This serves to remind owner that you are GENERALLY a most pleasant, co-operative & nice-to-have-around little chap, which will stand you in VERY good stead later on!
2. Do ONE round of jumping without protest but neither TOO quickly NOR particularly skillfully! Ensure (despite trying your best, yeah right!) that you have at LEAST one fence down, to guarantee exclusion from any jump-off round!
This will already be sowing the seed of doubt in owner's mind that showjumping may not ACTUALLY be YOUR thing after all! Sight of owner chewing on fingerbails & muttering comments such as "well he did his best but..." or "you don't think they were a LITTLE too big for him...?" should be viewed as most encouraging!
3. Continue on this path for the next few shows but DON'T overdo it at this crucial stage in the proceedings! You don't want to be seen as blatantly disobedient or awkward, more mildy incompetent!
Stick to the odd refusal ('couldn't POSSIBLY have got round a turn like THAT'!), the odd completely demolished jump ('couldn't possibly have got round a turn like THAT but i DID try'!) & so on!
Overdoing it now will simply result in extended training sessions at home to 'correct' your wayward attitude & this is most certainly NOT what we are hoping to achieve!
4. Progress to dumping rider in jumps! They never enjoy this particularly & usually find it quite off-putting!
Try not to hurt them though & NEVER make a run for it afterwards! This again, will be viewed as 'wayward behaviour' & it'll be back to the schooling sessions!
As soon as they hit the deck, it is FAR better to stay in close proximity to them, drop your head, slump sadly & assume a forlorn expression! This at least shows you are 'loyal', 'caring' & 'sorry'!
5. You are now ready to progress to the next level!
This is now outright psychological warfare & pretty much anything goes! Keep up the good behaviour at home & prior to entering ring but once in there, don't hold back!
We have now reached the 'bend in the river' as it were & a succession of 3 refusals at the first jump will quite possibly now be enough to tip the balance in your favour!
You are almost there, so now that you have reached the 'viewed as liable to trip over the pattern on the carpet' stage, don't give up!
6. A word of caution however! This approach should ONLY be attempted if you have 'another string to your bow' so to speak! As in "Well, he's hopeless at showjumping but LOVES x-country, so what about hunter trials?" Bingo, you're a winner!
If however, you are NOT fond of x-country, dressage, driving, or anything else, be careful or you could find yourself on the internet for all the wrong reasons!
Bear in mind, they MAY decide to give it 'one last go' after a few months break, so be prepared for this & make it clear from the start that the whole showjumping idea is still a major no-no!
Happy Hunter Trialling!
Fat Orange One's Thought for the Day - with apologies to Rudyard Kipling.....!
......for using his poem in a way for which it was clearly not intended (though it seemed appropriate!) & for substituting 'man' for 'child's pony' in the last sentence!
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it in one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them; 'Hold on!'
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a true child's pony my son!
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it in one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them; 'Hold on!'
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a true child's pony my son!
Little Black One's Tip for the Day - New Rugs!
When smiling owner presents you with a new rug, which they have undoubtedly just forked out some ludicrous sum for, you may find the following tips useful:
1. Prick ears at sight of bag & stand on tippy toes, as this always pleases them immensely!
(This will cancel out the fact that the last 3 times you were due to go anywhere, you managed to lose a shoe, in a muddy field resembling the Somme, the night before!)
2. Stand VERY still while rug is being tried on! Try not to sweat, moult, fart or dribble on the fabric!
(This will cancel out the time it took them 40 mins to catch you in the pouring rain, when rushing to get to school open evening!)
3. Pose attractively when they stand back to admire new purchase!
(This will cancel out pretty much ALL minor transgressions for the last couple of months!)
4. Take care of new rug! Do not shred on fencing, allow field companions to pull at it in play, or attempt to chew it off! Rolling & covering it in mud is acceptable, as although they may squawk, they will secretly be pleased that rug is 'comfy' & that you are so happy with it, you were unable to suppress the urge to fling yourself around in it!
(6 weeks is usually sufficient for extra care to be taken to protect rug! After that, you are unlikely to be blamed for any little 'accidents' though continued care WILL earn you about a million kudos in eyes of owner!)
5. And finally, respect rug at all times when not wearing it! Pulling it off the wall, piddling on it, pooping on it etc NEVER goes down very well with owner!
(Taking care of your things will encourage owners to buy you MORE of them, so will be well worth it for you at the end of the day!)
1. Prick ears at sight of bag & stand on tippy toes, as this always pleases them immensely!
(This will cancel out the fact that the last 3 times you were due to go anywhere, you managed to lose a shoe, in a muddy field resembling the Somme, the night before!)
2. Stand VERY still while rug is being tried on! Try not to sweat, moult, fart or dribble on the fabric!
(This will cancel out the time it took them 40 mins to catch you in the pouring rain, when rushing to get to school open evening!)
3. Pose attractively when they stand back to admire new purchase!
(This will cancel out pretty much ALL minor transgressions for the last couple of months!)
4. Take care of new rug! Do not shred on fencing, allow field companions to pull at it in play, or attempt to chew it off! Rolling & covering it in mud is acceptable, as although they may squawk, they will secretly be pleased that rug is 'comfy' & that you are so happy with it, you were unable to suppress the urge to fling yourself around in it!
(6 weeks is usually sufficient for extra care to be taken to protect rug! After that, you are unlikely to be blamed for any little 'accidents' though continued care WILL earn you about a million kudos in eyes of owner!)
5. And finally, respect rug at all times when not wearing it! Pulling it off the wall, piddling on it, pooping on it etc NEVER goes down very well with owner!
(Taking care of your things will encourage owners to buy you MORE of them, so will be well worth it for you at the end of the day!)
Ponies on Parade, an Introduction to Our Motley Crew!
Introducing Little Black One & his friends!
Little Black One is a 13hh Welsh sec B, somewhere in his 20's, who belongs to my youngest daughter!
The world's biggest diva & attention-seeker, he is capable of & prone to, fits of sulking on a galactic scale if he feels he has been badly done to but is also the most loving, affectionate creature on the planet towards those he knows & loves!
Hobbies include:
Working out naughty things to do whilst not actually appearing to BE naughty, emitting unpleasant & embarrassing gastric odours & noises at the most opportune (for him!), or most inopportune (for whoever's on the receiving end!) moments, bribing small children to groom, pat & cuddle him by managing to look old, pathetic & deeply unloved by ANYONE at the drop of a hat & teaching said small children to ride!
Partner in crime Fat Orange One, is an equine Tigger, a happy, bouncy, life-is-for-living type who belongs to my eldest daughter.
An 18yr old, 13.2hh strawberry roan, he is of the 'bin there, done it, got the t-shirt' variety who will merrily join in with whatever's going on at the time!
Hobbies include:
Showjumping, chasing rabbits out of his field, eating & being cheerful!
Cob Blob belongs to my middle daughter, a 10yr old, 14.1 blue-eyed, piebald cob with attitude!
Cuddly, slobbering teddybear to his young owner, everybody else is treated like something he's stood in!
Hobbies include:
Anything involving wide open spaces, anything that involves splashing in water, anything that involves going REALLY fast & eating!!
Finally, we have Small White Useless One!
An 11.2hh Welsh sec A mare & our newest acquisition, who is learning how to be a 'proper' kids' pony, as she has had very little done with her in her 7yrs so far!
Hobbies include:
Eating, being groomed & taken for walks by youngest daughter & working on being SO cute she can't POSSIBLY be viewed as useless by ANYBODY!
Well, that's our gang! All different, all special, all keep us on our toes!
Hope you will enjoy reading about what they all get up to in the coming weeks!
Little Black One is a 13hh Welsh sec B, somewhere in his 20's, who belongs to my youngest daughter!
The world's biggest diva & attention-seeker, he is capable of & prone to, fits of sulking on a galactic scale if he feels he has been badly done to but is also the most loving, affectionate creature on the planet towards those he knows & loves!
Hobbies include:
Working out naughty things to do whilst not actually appearing to BE naughty, emitting unpleasant & embarrassing gastric odours & noises at the most opportune (for him!), or most inopportune (for whoever's on the receiving end!) moments, bribing small children to groom, pat & cuddle him by managing to look old, pathetic & deeply unloved by ANYONE at the drop of a hat & teaching said small children to ride!
Partner in crime Fat Orange One, is an equine Tigger, a happy, bouncy, life-is-for-living type who belongs to my eldest daughter.
An 18yr old, 13.2hh strawberry roan, he is of the 'bin there, done it, got the t-shirt' variety who will merrily join in with whatever's going on at the time!
Hobbies include:
Showjumping, chasing rabbits out of his field, eating & being cheerful!
Cob Blob belongs to my middle daughter, a 10yr old, 14.1 blue-eyed, piebald cob with attitude!
Cuddly, slobbering teddybear to his young owner, everybody else is treated like something he's stood in!
Hobbies include:
Anything involving wide open spaces, anything that involves splashing in water, anything that involves going REALLY fast & eating!!
Finally, we have Small White Useless One!
An 11.2hh Welsh sec A mare & our newest acquisition, who is learning how to be a 'proper' kids' pony, as she has had very little done with her in her 7yrs so far!
Hobbies include:
Eating, being groomed & taken for walks by youngest daughter & working on being SO cute she can't POSSIBLY be viewed as useless by ANYBODY!
Well, that's our gang! All different, all special, all keep us on our toes!
Hope you will enjoy reading about what they all get up to in the coming weeks!
