Saturday, January 14, 2006
How (Not!) to Avoid Buying a Competely Useless Pony! (Small White Useless One)
FRIEND ON YARD: "D'you wanna pony?"
ME: "Nope."
FRIEND: "But I can't keep her...she'll have to go to the sales or something...!"
ME: "Sorry to hear that but I really can't have ANY more!"
FRIEND: "But her poor aged field companions will miss her...& be all alone..."
ME: "Nothing I can do...sorry!"
FRIEND: "...& be REALLY sad...& pine away"
ME: "I absolutely do NOT want a pony of ANY kind & certainly not a barely broken Welsh sec A that I can't even do anything with!"
FRIEND: "Oh go on...pleeeease...I know YOU'LL look after her!"
ME: "Definitely NOT...I'm really sorry!"
10 second pause......
FRIEND: "So, d'you want to take her straightaway...?"
At this point, I am still shaking my head but somehow find myself feebly muttering...
ME: "Well, you'd better stick her headcollar over there then, with the others...!"
Pony (which was free!) came with a headcollar, an attitude & an in-hand bridle, (which I suspect is worth slightly more than the pony!) & several months later, is our lovely, super cute & highly huggable......Small White Useless One!
ME: "Nope."
FRIEND: "But I can't keep her...she'll have to go to the sales or something...!"
ME: "Sorry to hear that but I really can't have ANY more!"
FRIEND: "But her poor aged field companions will miss her...& be all alone..."
ME: "Nothing I can do...sorry!"
FRIEND: "...& be REALLY sad...& pine away"
ME: "I absolutely do NOT want a pony of ANY kind & certainly not a barely broken Welsh sec A that I can't even do anything with!"
FRIEND: "Oh go on...pleeeease...I know YOU'LL look after her!"
ME: "Definitely NOT...I'm really sorry!"
10 second pause......
FRIEND: "So, d'you want to take her straightaway...?"
At this point, I am still shaking my head but somehow find myself feebly muttering...
ME: "Well, you'd better stick her headcollar over there then, with the others...!"
Pony (which was free!) came with a headcollar, an attitude & an in-hand bridle, (which I suspect is worth slightly more than the pony!) & several months later, is our lovely, super cute & highly huggable......Small White Useless One!
How (Not!) to Acquire a Bigger Pony! (Cob Blob)
Overhear same friend who suggested Fat Orange One to us saying something along the lines of "...Yeah, I know, they really ought to sell him...", nosily enquire "Sell what?" & find out it is a 14.1hh blue-eyed, piebald gelding, about 10 yrs old! Hurrah, coincidentally middle daughter's first choice is a blue-eyed piebald! Arrange to go & see pony asap!
Pony has been loaned to a riding-school for 2 years & whilst popular & useful, also has a bit of a reputation for being 'strong', 'stubborn' & 'bloody-minded'!
Pop over initially to have a quick peep at pony in his stable! Say 'hello' to pony over door...no reaction, wave hands at pony with louder "helloooo!"...no reaction, jump up & down in front of stable...pony does not react AT ALL!
Middle daughter is somewhat disappointed to find that pony is in fact, one of the zombified 'walking dead' & sulks all the way home!
Persuade middle daughter to go back & watch him in a lesson, cannot ride him herself as insurance does not cater for children! Pony spends first 10 minutes of lesson with ears flat on his head & his initial enthusiasm when ridden brings the phrase 'getting blood out of a stone' to mind!
Middle daughter thinks he is beautiful & despite never having sat on him, is keen to have him on a month's trial!
Owner informs us of his little 'quirks' & 'funny little ways'! OK, yep......!
1. Pony has not hacked out for 2 years..."Not a problem" (Our yard is on a main road!)
2. Owner's OH couldn't hold/stop him in a pelham..."Not to worry" (He won't be in a pelham as we stick everything in a mild snaffle to start with anyway!)
3. He's immemsely strong & has to be turned out in a bridle..."Fine" (Pony has the physical strength of a white rhino & middle daughter, although tall, is about 6 stone dripping wet!)
4. He can be VERY stubborn..."I'm sure we can sort him out" (Have you MET my children???)
Within days of arriving, pony has attached himself to middle daughter like a limpet & it is abundantly clear that he is very much a one-person pony, so no wonder he had 'switched off' at the riding-school, he must have HATED it!
He is STILL stubborn, STILL bloody-minded & STILL immensely strong but he is also gentle, loving & immensely loyal to his young owner, though he still couldn't really give a stuff for anybody else......we love you really, Cob Blob!
Pony has been loaned to a riding-school for 2 years & whilst popular & useful, also has a bit of a reputation for being 'strong', 'stubborn' & 'bloody-minded'!
Pop over initially to have a quick peep at pony in his stable! Say 'hello' to pony over door...no reaction, wave hands at pony with louder "helloooo!"...no reaction, jump up & down in front of stable...pony does not react AT ALL!
Middle daughter is somewhat disappointed to find that pony is in fact, one of the zombified 'walking dead' & sulks all the way home!
Persuade middle daughter to go back & watch him in a lesson, cannot ride him herself as insurance does not cater for children! Pony spends first 10 minutes of lesson with ears flat on his head & his initial enthusiasm when ridden brings the phrase 'getting blood out of a stone' to mind!
Middle daughter thinks he is beautiful & despite never having sat on him, is keen to have him on a month's trial!
Owner informs us of his little 'quirks' & 'funny little ways'! OK, yep......!
1. Pony has not hacked out for 2 years..."Not a problem" (Our yard is on a main road!)
2. Owner's OH couldn't hold/stop him in a pelham..."Not to worry" (He won't be in a pelham as we stick everything in a mild snaffle to start with anyway!)
3. He's immemsely strong & has to be turned out in a bridle..."Fine" (Pony has the physical strength of a white rhino & middle daughter, although tall, is about 6 stone dripping wet!)
4. He can be VERY stubborn..."I'm sure we can sort him out" (Have you MET my children???)
Within days of arriving, pony has attached himself to middle daughter like a limpet & it is abundantly clear that he is very much a one-person pony, so no wonder he had 'switched off' at the riding-school, he must have HATED it!
He is STILL stubborn, STILL bloody-minded & STILL immensely strong but he is also gentle, loving & immensely loyal to his young owner, though he still couldn't really give a stuff for anybody else......we love you really, Cob Blob!
How (Not!) to Acquire a Pony! (Fat Orange One)
Had been looking for AGES for pony for eldest daughter, none were even remotely suitable & was beginning to despair! Mentioned this to friend, who casually replied "Oh, I've got a pony staying at my place, dunno if he'd be any good though, he's quite old & hasn't been ridden for quite a while...!"
Drive over same evening with YO & eldest daughter to have a casual look at pony!
Pony is in stable, as has 'gone to bed'! Friend hoiks pony out of stable & as it is pitch black outside, brings him to stand by feebly lit barn, where pony stands blinking in the light, looking mildly confused & still chomping on his last mouthful of hay!
We all stand peering uncertainly at hugely fat, grubby orange, football-shaped creature before us, who simply stares back with a kindly & interested expression!
Eldest daughter steps forward nervously to pat him, (has had horrible fall & confidence is now pretty much non-existent!), pony stops chewing, taking on an even more interested expression & child is soon smiling, stoking & patting him with gay abandon!
Sit child briefly on pony to check size, pony (who hasn't been ridden for several months!) just stands there, blinking happily back at us!
We all unanimously agree we 'like' this pony & arrange to fetch him the following day! (Should add, we DID know pony's prior history!)
Pony turns out to be one of the most kindly, fun-loving, cheerful & enthusiastic little ponies I have ever met, who not only restored eldest daughter's shattered confidence but took her younger sister from a nervous, wobbly "I'll just trot round then, shall I?" to a confident & enthusiastic child, who jumped her way to a fistful of rosettes in her first season of competing!
Our lovely, friendly, furry football......Fat Orange One!
Drive over same evening with YO & eldest daughter to have a casual look at pony!
Pony is in stable, as has 'gone to bed'! Friend hoiks pony out of stable & as it is pitch black outside, brings him to stand by feebly lit barn, where pony stands blinking in the light, looking mildly confused & still chomping on his last mouthful of hay!
We all stand peering uncertainly at hugely fat, grubby orange, football-shaped creature before us, who simply stares back with a kindly & interested expression!
Eldest daughter steps forward nervously to pat him, (has had horrible fall & confidence is now pretty much non-existent!), pony stops chewing, taking on an even more interested expression & child is soon smiling, stoking & patting him with gay abandon!
Sit child briefly on pony to check size, pony (who hasn't been ridden for several months!) just stands there, blinking happily back at us!
We all unanimously agree we 'like' this pony & arrange to fetch him the following day! (Should add, we DID know pony's prior history!)
Pony turns out to be one of the most kindly, fun-loving, cheerful & enthusiastic little ponies I have ever met, who not only restored eldest daughter's shattered confidence but took her younger sister from a nervous, wobbly "I'll just trot round then, shall I?" to a confident & enthusiastic child, who jumped her way to a fistful of rosettes in her first season of competing!
Our lovely, friendly, furry football......Fat Orange One!
How (Not!) to Buy a Pony! (Little Black One)
1. Friend spots 12.2hh gelding for sale in Bargain Pages, there is no real description of pony, pony could be ANYTHING!
2. Inform friend have absolutely NO intention of looking at a pony advertised in Bargain Pages! No way, no chance, not going to happen!
3. Drive down to see pony same afternoon! ???
4. Look at pony, who is most definitely NOT 12.2hh, more like dead on 13hh!
5. Pony turns head to look at us, showing whites of eyes & looks sharper than a brand new razor! Shake head at OH & mouth 'Noooo!'
6. Put littlest daughter on pony to go for walk down lane. Pony sets off (at walk!) at approximately the same speed as I RUN! Whilst I puff along behind, owner who is clearly made of sterner stuff, strides out alongside pony, apparently finding a walking pace of 15mph to be perfectly normal!
7. Return to yard, am now COMPLETELY out of breath & have pretty much lost the power of speech! Pony SEEMS placid enough but remembering 'first impression' of sharpness, catch OH's gaze & again mouth 'Noooo!' OH ignores this completely & 30 seconds later, we are shaking owner's hand & saying we'd LOVE to have him!
8. Peel sobbing owner/owner's children/owner's sister off pony & stick him on trailer!
9. Drive home to quickly discover I have bought the gentlest, most intelligent, kindest & most childproof pony on the planet......our funny little spoilt brat diva, Little Black One!
2. Inform friend have absolutely NO intention of looking at a pony advertised in Bargain Pages! No way, no chance, not going to happen!
3. Drive down to see pony same afternoon! ???
4. Look at pony, who is most definitely NOT 12.2hh, more like dead on 13hh!
5. Pony turns head to look at us, showing whites of eyes & looks sharper than a brand new razor! Shake head at OH & mouth 'Noooo!'
6. Put littlest daughter on pony to go for walk down lane. Pony sets off (at walk!) at approximately the same speed as I RUN! Whilst I puff along behind, owner who is clearly made of sterner stuff, strides out alongside pony, apparently finding a walking pace of 15mph to be perfectly normal!
7. Return to yard, am now COMPLETELY out of breath & have pretty much lost the power of speech! Pony SEEMS placid enough but remembering 'first impression' of sharpness, catch OH's gaze & again mouth 'Noooo!' OH ignores this completely & 30 seconds later, we are shaking owner's hand & saying we'd LOVE to have him!
8. Peel sobbing owner/owner's children/owner's sister off pony & stick him on trailer!
9. Drive home to quickly discover I have bought the gentlest, most intelligent, kindest & most childproof pony on the planet......our funny little spoilt brat diva, Little Black One!
